For those of you living in a cave, a very deep cave, in the middle of a swamp, on top of a mountain, in the middle of a jungle, on the moon, America is about to have a election. It is to the point now where CNN should just give up all semblance of a news service and declare itself "All politics, all the time". For the last year the world has been bombarded with scandal and innuendo about the various candidate's, when did she know, why didn't he put his hand upon his heart, did they really clone George W, who the hell is this guy running against McCain, and more recently..He chose who?
Over a year, a very long year and yet Canada is also on the brink of a election. Somehow ours lacks the fan fair of our southern counterparts however, ours will be announced on Friday, it will be held 32 days later. America will hold their approximately one month later. Apparently the USA isn't big on snap decisions.
Now things are just starting to heat up as senator McCain has either made a earth shattering (literally) blunder or he is the most paranoid man on the planet earth. Maybe the reason for his choice of Palin is that he did know everything about her past and was so terrified of being assassinated in office he choose someone so grossly incompetent for the executive office that no one on the planet would dare take the shot.... things that make you go hrrrrmmm.
In Canada one person represents one vote, in America one person represents one vote towards someone else who will cast a vote on their behalf... but hey, at least that person is in college as I understand it. (I have been advised this is a obscure reference for non-American's, sadly that clumps me in with Americans. This is a reference to the Electroral College style of voting, which I have on good authority was invented by a bunch of guys in the back room of a bar in Boston after just inventing the Boilermaker))
In Canada our politicians will say anything to get elected as they are all morally bankrupt, in America they like to surround themselves with celebrities so they feel less morally bankrupt. In Canada we've elected crooks and cheats, in America our crooks and cheats have been very popular and have been invited to all sorts of really cool parties. America's crooks tend to get two terms if their democrat's and a single term if their republican (I believe its actually in their constitution somewhere near the bottom).
In America there are two major parties represented by a donkey and a elephant, in Canada we have a basic three party system but all our politicians are essentially donkeys.
America sends troops all over the world to prove their dominance and to assert their military might. In Canada we send troops all over the world to prove America's dominance and assert their military might, so we break even there.
In Canada our politicians accept money from their Friends to win contracts that will make everyone a lot of money. In America people line up to throw money at politicians, these groups called lobbyists (or RRSP's) give you money in hopes you may help them at some later date and don't go running to the press every time they don't get the contract, they wait to write their memoirs then they can get a piece of the good life too. The majority of US senators are millionaires, the majority of Canadian senators are Maple leaf fans.
American politicians can get chicks, Canadian politicians look upon the chicks their American brethren get in envy.
Anyways the bottom line is... we are both going to make some mistakes within the next sixty days that we will have to live for for another 4 years, till we get to make another new batch of mistakes, or actually for Americans, you get to start making your mistakes again in about another two years when you start the whole damn thing over again. At least we Canadians look to elections a lot like removing a band aid, don't talk about it, close your eyes and just pull and hope for the best but plan for the worst.
I really am not as Anti-American as I sound but they just make it so damn easy, it is like the French. You don't hear people going around bashing Trinidad, they just don't take themselves seriously enough. I have friends whom are American, I have a aunt who has been there for 30 years and raised a flock of American children but damn people, get a sense of perspective (and Megan, I'm sorry to hear of your country of origin, with your sarcastic satirical sense of humor I never would have taken you for one of THEM).
PS Vote for me and I guarantee the first people against the wall when I'm king will be all the damn politicians, including myself.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008